respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
