I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
