DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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