Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
