They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
