Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
