fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
