Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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