I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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