Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
