so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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