i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
