doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
