you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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