i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
