I cockslap morals
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
