Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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