It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
