I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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