Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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