I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
