The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
