Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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