Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
