im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
