I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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