so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
