a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
