I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
