Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
