Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
