We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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