Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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