this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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