***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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