Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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