Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
