I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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