And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
