no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
