just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
