How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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