She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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