dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
