I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
