I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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