my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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