areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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