I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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