Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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