First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just pee around me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize