He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
