dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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