Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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