At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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