she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
