There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
