that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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