This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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