Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
