we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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