note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize