I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
