We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
