If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize