Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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