Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont even know how to be here
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
