I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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