I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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