i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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