I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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