I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
