He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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