It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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