I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
