i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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