we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
